Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
