I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
