Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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