I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
