The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You're a waste of cheezeits
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
