Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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