I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think your dad took our porno
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
