I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I didn't notice because vodka
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
