I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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