He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
