Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
