Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
