Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
