if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
