Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
