**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
