I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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