I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
