girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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