yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
