the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
