put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
