You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
