I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
