put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
