I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
