Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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