On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
