Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
