God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
