Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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