when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
sex in a hospital.. check
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The adults are the big ones right?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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