dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
