the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
