the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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