I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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