i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
