Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
