I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
