A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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