Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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