Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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