The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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