You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
