I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
