we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
