you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
