idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
