I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize