please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
