Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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