if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
