i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
