Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
