yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
