so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
