idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
