So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
