Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
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I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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