What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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