Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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