i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
