I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
