So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
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She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
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I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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