is your mom at the bar?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
