why didn't you poke me back
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I would fuck him just for his dog
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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