I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
