yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
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the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
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I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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