I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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