Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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