she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
