My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
did you just send me my own nude
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
