porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
