some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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