I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
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I want her autograph on my taint
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
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THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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