so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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